I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
