Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
