I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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