He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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