I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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