if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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