I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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