dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
