Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
