thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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