Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
