she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
