remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We left an ass print on the piano.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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