why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
