If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
