This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
