I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
