I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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