I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
