I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
