listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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