Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
