What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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