How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
