i jhust puked up my retainher.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
