I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
being pregnant is like rehab
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I pour the whiskey from now on
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
