Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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