false alarm. still invincible.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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