If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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