Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
being pregnant is like rehab
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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