I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
