You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
