After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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