Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
