I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
