You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
