Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
