he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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