How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
