Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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