a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Pants are for mortals
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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