you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
