went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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