ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
