My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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