watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
