I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Send help, water and tortillas.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
