omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
