I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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