so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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