Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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