I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
