Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize