you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he told me I talked like a deaf person
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
