I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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