I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize