I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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