I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
