Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
