The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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