he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
