I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
