It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am one with the molecules
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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