Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
