How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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