I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
