Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
